Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm bleeding and have questions
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
