When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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