neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
