Quick, to the slutcave!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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