I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
