and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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