Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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