Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your penis caused this!
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