just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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