I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
