Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
