Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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