Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
