There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize