You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
