1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
