so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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