Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
