well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
