I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
