Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
