I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
