I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
