Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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