Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
