remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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