But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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