Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
