So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
