My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
