I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
