on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
