dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize