trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
