i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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