Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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