Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
