I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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