i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
