so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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