Screwed.edu
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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