I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
