So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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