she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
