yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize