Your tits are I can't wait for
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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