I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
