He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
