I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize