Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How external is "for external use only"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
