Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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