When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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