I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
