at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
