I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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