i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
