i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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