My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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