Say something about gay babies.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
