Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
