How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
