I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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