i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
