he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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