i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
