the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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