So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
