Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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