@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
