Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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