I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Barsexuality is the new black.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
